SUPPRESSED FEELINGS
There's a famous saying between high school students stating that "It's normal for everyone to have their own particular "crush" as well as every teenager should at least feel infatuated towards another person. They even say that it's more normal to have many crushes than to have none at all. Some even go beyond greater extent and declare the "no-crush type of people" as abnormal. If the absence of normality is abnormality, then I would consider myself as definitely abnormal when I was in Grade 7.
Back when I was in Grade 7, everytime my friends ask me, who is my crush, I always answer "none". This was an honest answer. I really didn't have a crush back then. It is because, those are the times when I discovered and liked the world of K-POP. My daily routine back then was basically: eating, schooling, surfing the net to know more about K-POP, and then sleeping. Technically, I was interested more about K-POP than having a crush towards someone in school. I totally started being a liar about having a crush, when I was in Grade 8. There's this one guy in the curricular election in Hiyas club that caught my attention. He got elected as an officer. I found him cute being somewhat humorous yet there's still a hint of coolness in his own ways. To add up to the package, he is also really good looking. The only problem was he doesn't belong to the higher section. It's a problem not because I doubt his intelligence but because there would be less opportunity to be with him. Then, I was really greatful when I found out that there's a certain subject wherein we have the same teacher. Because of this, there are certain days where I will be able to see him because our section comes next to their class in that subject. But, I chose to keep these feelings tk myself. I didn't let anyone notice my admiration for him. That's why everytime I saw him, I keep having poker face. I hold my hapiness inside. I pretend that his like all the other guys there that I don't know anythinh about. I always do my best to make my gaze off him. Trust me, it was really hard. I don't want anyone to know about, me having a crush on him, because I was too insecure of myself. I'm afraid that they would think of me as "too ambitious" liking a very handsome guy. That's why I still said that I don't have any crush.
Meanwhile, I couldn't consider my life as a Grade 9 satisfying because I didn't even saw him even once. I got really intrigued. There's so many questions gone through my head. The heaviest among these was the question, "Does he already transferred to another school? But why?" I tried to forget him and bring my old self back where I focus in school and in K-POP. My Grade 9 days came to an end but, still, I saw no sign of him.
Now, I saw him again. He still studies in our school! I was so happy but then my hapiness faded when I found out that he became too popular. Maybe he was already famous before but he became more famous today. It became more difficult for me to like him. There's so many other girls out there that can be beautiful, bright attractive and more.
This is why I chose to reveal this. I want to let my feelings out, the feelings I suppressed for almost three years, the feelings that gave me extreme emotions yet made me look down on myself, the feelings I thought were long gone but I was wrong. Now, I want forget about all these feelins and move on.